The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
