someone get that fucking seahorse.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
