Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm passing your future prison.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
