At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
