soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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