He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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