K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
