Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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