Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm at about main and main street
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize