Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
