Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
