Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
