Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
