You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
