Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This is the high leading the old right now
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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