I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Randomize
