You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
