He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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