We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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