from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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