I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
