I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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