guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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