I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
