she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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