the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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