Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
