I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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