Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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