Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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