based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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