I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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