I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I forget how to act sober
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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