tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize