He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
All I want is dick and wine.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
