i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize