Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize