Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
