I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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