i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
