I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
