Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
