i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
