I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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