The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize