Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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