So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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