Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
