ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize