this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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