ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
