3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize