I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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