Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
