Kiss
Puke
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
