conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i came on her dog
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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