No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
