this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
