i already hear my dad disowning me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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