Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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