i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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