YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
