He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
