Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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