sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
