I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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