there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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