we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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