i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
