We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
