I checked into jail on foursquare
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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