Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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