There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
