what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
