i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
