Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
