I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
