my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
