You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
