Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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