i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
