btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
