I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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