Nicole vs. Life
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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